As a She-monk, committed to liberation and deep spiritual immersion in the Self while being in the world, one of the key areas of success is by creating our own sacred space.
Just like our ancestors before us, paying homage to who we are, to our ancestry, to what we are grateful for and appreciate and touching base with God through prayer and meditation are all ways to bring in a dedicated daily practice. These practices used to be totally acceptable by a family, they were respected and usually participated in by the whole family.
They also were the basis of alone time and reflection which is fundamentally important to us for peace and our nervous systems and also to bring divinity through us and into our homes. These are healing practices too. Done with reverence and love, these little potential rituals create a beauty and harmony that attracts our partners and children who are so fortunate to get involved in valuable habits and also to enjoy the spillover effects of a collective Grace.
When my children were in primary school, we had weekly meditations that they loved so much. One would light the candles on our sacred corner puja (alter) and another would ring a little bell and light incense. We all had our own cushions, shawls and places to sit. The kids would notice if we missed a session and often ask for us to make up the time.
What I loved most was the deep intimacy without words; feeling the love of a hug without having to move. We would connect. Even if only for 10 minutes, we would all benefit. We usually sat for half an hour. If they were having struggles, then we would bring in some self-inquiry and clear the feeling.
For many years this happened, until our routine was disrupted by moving in with others and to another home and also teenage hood arrived. I was sad but noticed that it was now in them. Luckily we are back together again, just us in our little home, I’ve noticed that if I create the space, they will follow.
If I burn a candle or light incense or put on some soft, gentle meditation music in the main rooms, then the impact is immediate. It induces thoughtfulness, sharing, gratitude, reflection. Many times they take it away and continue in their rooms and to my delight, each child has created their own sacred corner in their room and looks after them.
Because they were brought up with a mother who taught them to respect the need for private time, to time with spirit, it is normal for them. Even if friends come over, still, and they notice I’m in reflection mode, they will kindly tiptoe and be quiet and go to another part of the house. I never have to ask them to be quiet. It’s fantastic.
So what happens when we are just jumping on the She-Monk bandwagon now? Inform everyone of what you are doing and trying to set up. Do it with the most open heart and lightness of being. If your family think you are going crazy, then laugh with them but don’t for a moment stop.
The peace and good energy that having dedicated inner world time will soon positively bring them in. Be loving, not pushy. Whatever you do, please don’t start to dominate or force them or point out the reason why they need it and why the world is mistaken, and you are right, etc. (I’ve seen people do things like this, it’s just insecurity and fear). The change in your being and the home will be enough. When they are down, then consider bringing them in with you. If you have ease, then so will they. As far as claiming that time, it’s a no-compromise issue, though. Put the stake in the ground and tell everyone that Mum will be much nicer with the practice.
What if you have a small home? Treat it like bowing our heads on Remembrance Day. Make it 5 minutes to being with our inner world and start from there. Let them play outside for a while or go for a walk or hide in a book. Even if they rebel, keep the faith, it’s doing the alchemical work it’s meant to. I know that both my kids, while transitioning into teenagers went through the rebel and reject stage. Now they are so full of gratitude and talk openly about how cool and heartwarming the daily little sacred time rituals are.
There is one more thing to consider here. As are cups fill with love, as in our body vessel has become an expert at filling its cracks and leaks and we carry a lot of love and grace, the old model of relationships will begin to change. It’s a big topic, and I know when people aren’t ready it can frighten them as they feel insecure, but as we become more secure and become one with the Divine, then sharing a room with another full time gets more difficult.
As tuning forks of grace, with work to do as a spiritual calling and life’s purpose, the focus tends to shift. I even read something a little similar from a psychology point of view. In the Big Leap by Gay Hendriks who was saying that when we grow and move into our zone of genius, then we need a lot of alone time and to honour our hence starting to have our own rooms if we want to also maintain the ultimate healthy relationship. Inevitably it is spirit first, world second, love of self first then the benefits of that for our significant other.
It is something to consider, and I believe a positive change moving forward. We give each other more space, especially alone time to be us and not have to energetically do so much work to sort through what’s ours and theirs. Have a look. Does this freak you out? Why? I do know, from my experience and do believe that as we honour our divinity and work to being the best us possible, the Grace or Shakti will set it up. We will need to review the needy old model of relationship. Sacred space will become paramount. We can also be ourselves, totally ourselves and not lose who we are. I found we can go on dates too and keep the spark alive.
Don’t think this is a rule or across the board must happen, but it is something to consider really. Try to sit with and work on what you want, what spirit is speaking through you.
I’d love to know what you think and if you have come to that point either in your personal evolution or spiritual transformation. Have you created first and foremost, for yourself and others, that sacred space daily to bring in a breather, some fresh air, some good habits and most importantly, some love?
We can be personally free and be in relationship and family, but it is a different model. Changes will happen. New ways of being and it will require all involved to do some work, ultimately freeing them in ways they never imagined. What bliss!