I had the experience recently, of finally finding the grace to move through a personal resistance that was so thick, it was like a membrane. This grace came in the form of permission.
Someone I respected, who knew what they were talking about in the area of my block, gave me permission to take my time and do it my way and let me know it’s totally natural to be confronted. This was no small resistance either, it was the mother load.
I’ve fully experienced now that being pulled along by the universe towards a certain outcome is one thing, and it’s fabulous and exhilarating; but the catch is that when we move in the direction of our calling or life’s purpose, the very brilliant universe has made it so the only things blocking us getting there, are in fact ourselves.
We are given the exact tendencies and fears that perfectly activate and get in the way of us moving swiftly and effortlessly.
Therefore, the path to our fullest self, is most certainly one of transformation and self development. I guess that’s why I hear so many entrepreneurs who were brave enough to follow the cues mysteriously delivered by the universe, have that journey as a spiritual one. They discover themselves and they can discover God. Some literally awaken.
As if often the case, this shift in resistance came after hitting such a brick wall that I literally gave up; I took the entire day off, in fact I have a feeling it was two. In my despair, I decided the best use of my time would be to find where God was for me in the midst of it all. I knew to start doing things that traditionally make me happy and connected to my spiritual self. It was actually hard work! I had to force myself to listen to talks, look at pictures and listen to songs that were usually a sure thing. Nothing I tried was inspiring and I was no closer to better feeling.
The beauty with being committed to good feeling and a sign from the universe is that it will without a doubt happen. It did. Something randomly popped up on social media that resonated with my heart and sent my head into a spin of bliss. It was a picture, a great being or saint. I decided to follow the lead and look this being up on YouTube. Suddenly I found myself listening to a sweet song I’d never heard before by someone I didn’t know. I literally peacefully sat and closed my eyes and listened. To my surprise, I started to cry.
The moment was so sweet that I had been reduced to a delicate child like state. Thank heavens I was at home and no one was around! I made sure to sit with that experience and get on with my day having nothing at all to do with work. That was it. It was enough for now. The following morning, I received an email from a wonderful woman in the States who I’ve had booked for a mentoring session for months but technology kept interfering and it never happened. She was able to chat with me and I was so happy that for 20 minutes I’d finally be able to fess up my situation and get some kind of nugget or guidance. I knew she could help at least point me in the right direction.
Two and a half hours later! Seriously. We actually only stopped because a friend arrived on my doorstep. So much grace! She was so generous and abundant with her support, we pulled everything apart and she held no judgement at all. Instead she had complete understanding and had been there before. She knew my situation, it was remarkable and the most extraordinary gift, she cut me some slack.
This wonderful professional woman with loads of experience gave me permission to do things my way, as they come rather than fitting into some formula. She told me to not care how others in my field have done things and was also inspired by what I am trying to do with my world. There was a complete exchange of good feeling. So much energy was in our dynamic conversation that by the afternoon I had to go to bed and lie down. The following morning, I still couldn’t move so instead used the time to meditate and so some creative work. By lunch time the block had gone. I felt it lift. I sat down in front of my computer and for 5 hours worked like I’ve never worked before. Everything I’d struggled with for months suddenly came pouring out and fell into place.
I believe we all have a fundamental role in the world to play, of equal importance no matter what that is to being a genius at flower arranging, song writing or golf.
Seriously. Sometimes we have to face an area of our being, maybe from our upbringing or even carried over from a past life, that has meant so much on both an unconscious and conscious level it has prevented us claiming that genius. Interestingly I got that I’d also ended up belonging to groups or certain friends that exacerbated that incorrect belief system.
Mind you in so many areas of my life I certainly had no need of permission from anyone to be myself. It came up as the stakes were higher, as I surrendered to my dharma and began to live with utter uncertainty.
Getting the permission to be fully us is such a gracious experience. I am thankful for the profound experience so much so that I have a feeling I’ll be able to give myself that permission in the future. I’d love to give that gift to someone else so they can be at peace with how things are going and stop comparing to some made up model of what’s perfect and right. If you have a hard time stepping out of old belief systems, of the beliefs and ways of others and think you can’t do something because the ‘normal’ way of doing it just doesn’t suit you but god is still pulling you in that direction, then let me give you permission to do it your way.
Step out. Be brave. Be a rebel. Do it your way and never worry that you will get it wrong because if you are being called so loudly that it feels like you aren’t even making the action, then you are getting it very right.
If a group or community, family or dogma of any kind tries to talk you out of it, keep walking, say thanks for their love but let them know their way is not the way for you. I’d love to give you the encouragement and permission you need. What kind of permission would you like?